Whats an easy way to get a vicodin prescription?

Seriously only be a smartass if its funny but un serious. Ok, I suffer from back, arm, shoulder pain. I am a contractor and laborer. U have real pain but its usually cheaper to buy vicodin off the street then it is to see a doctor. I have no insurance. Getting vicodin is no problem I have a ton but Tuesday I am going on an air plane and idk what to do. I must get a real prescription but i don't want to see a doctor and them give me tramadol for my pain. What self inflicted minor injury can I do to get an easy prescription without messing my self up bad. Yeah it sounds crazy but I need help with this.